For The Person Who Feels Too Much...

Oh, how I wish someone would've told me years ago what I'm about to tell you now. Every word spoken here is only meant to spare you pain in the days, months and years to come.  

Let me begin by saying that you are special and you are loved.  That may not be the way YOU feel about you now.  Instead, maybe you've believed that you are small, unimportant and less than those around you.  Perhaps you have learned to fit in by holding back.  Or maybe you've tried hard but it still doesn't feel like enough.

I wish I could take you by the hand, get close, and look into your eyes.  I would say it a hundred times just to make sure you believe--just because someone else doesn't see the light in you, doesn't mean it isn't there.  What if I were to tell you that God has chosen YOU?  Yes, you.  Because he has heard the cry of your heart and he knows all you've gone through.   He knows you have no idea the value of your soul--that the angels literally hold their breath when they look at you--because you, well, you are prized and treasured by God Himself--made in His very image--and set at this exact time in history for a purpose. The angels were there the day you entered the world and there was great celebration, b/c God himself was in that room cheering and jumping for joy.  Yes.  That is who you are in heaven's eyes.  You are celebrated.  You are His!

And you were born into a world at war.  The years have been hard and dark and heavy, a personal assault intended to break you.  Darkness knows that if you knew who you really were, you'd be dangerous--you might decide to shine.  

What if I were to tell you that every single person around you is broken?  Every one.  And this fact means two things for you:

1. You aren't unique in the brokenness you feel.  You actually AREN'T less or more than anyone else.  You and all of humanity are all equally screwy!  ;)

1. Insults, ignorance, and flat out rejection from others has much more to do with their own stuff than it does with you.  Who can know the tangles of another's brokenness?  You don't even yet know your own.  But can I tell you something?  It's NOT your fault.  Other people's behavior is THEIRS, and it is not your responsibility to carry how and why others act the way they do.  You are only responsible for your own behavior.  

Can I tell you the one secret that will make all the difference from here forward?  The really good news?

God cares when you're hurt.  God cares when you're sad.  God cares when you're mad, embarrassed, and all the other feelings you're ashamed you feel. Not one second of your precious life goes by unnoticed by Him.  LET Him minister His care and concern to you.  LET him heal you when you are wounded.  

How?

Take all of those feelings to Him.  He does not expect you to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and work harder.  He WILL MAKE YOU STRONG AND COURAGEOUS, but you must go to Him with the wounds first.  You tell Him all about it.  In the quiet.  Between Him and you.  You talk to Him about it more than you talk to anyone else about it.  You share the hurt and the pain, then you ask Him what he thinks of you, of the situation.  You choose to trust Him with your pain.  And you trust Him to take care of you and handle it.

And something beautiful will happen as you do.  You will no longer be walking wounded.  You will be walking healed. You will no longer walk empty, you will walk full.  And you will be used to fill others and be part of His redemption as a result.

Dear person who feels too much--if you can rely on daily hearing from Him--daily letting Him remind you of who you are, then there will be NO mountain you can't climb.  There will be NO hurdle you can't jump.  You will find health and wholeness and life--not because you are striving and jumping--but because you will live out of who you really are--your truest identity--who GOD Almighty says you are--not what other people say.  

You do NOT feel too much.  You feel just right.  And everyone feels the same--others may do a better job at hiding it than you, but everyone is actually after the same thing--love and acceptance.  And you are WILDLY accepted, WILDLY cherished, WILDLY loved.  Once you know this about yourself, you will be able to pour it out to others with ease.  And can I tell you another secret?  They are just as desperate to know they are loved as you are!  

Start now.  You don't have to wait even one second.  Tell Him what's been on your mind.  Ask Him who He says you are.  Then believe it.  Then live it.  Go be the beautiful person God created you to be.  Because if you do, hand in hand with Him, you will find yourself in the midst of a great adventure, custom fit just for you from the beginning of time.  This world is so dark, but you will be a bearer of Light.

The waiting world is watching and hoping that you will be you!

Hope

"So..."  My dear friend pauses and her voice is steady.  "The doctors confirmed, it IS cancer.  I'm supposed to go in for surgery next week."

I inhale sharply.  I've been waiting for this news.  Hoping this wouldn't BE her news.  But I put on my high-pitch brave voice and reply, "Ok.  Thanks for letting me know.  I'm praying.  Are you ok?"  A few other details emerge.
"I'll be ok."
"Ok. I love you."  Why do we keep saying ok, when things are clearly NOT ok?
"I love you too."
We hang up the phone.  I make a b line for my bed, pull the covers over my head and curl into a ball.  I let my mind spin and swirl.

Prayers.  We're going to need prayers.  I shoot out a text to my most trusted prayer partners.  I feel sick.  What does this mean? What does the future hold?  I don't WANT to go through this.

My phone rings.  I reject it.  I can't talk right now.  I don't want to talk.

Moments later I hear a knock at the door.  When I open it, my best friend is standing there, fighting back her own tears and says "I don't want you to be alone right now."  I fall into her arms sobbing.  She cries with me.  We hold each other, crying.  We stay that way, vulnerable in our humanity and tears, until one of my kids walks by and says as only children can, "Why are you guys crying?"  We laugh, because we know we must look like crazy people right now.  We stumble through the next few minutes, hug one last time, and say goodbye.  She leaves and I am both grateful for her and afraid.  Morbidly I wonder, "What if I lose her too?"

I retreat to my bed and curl back into my ball. This world just keeps on turning and everything is changing.  I don't want to love because I don't want to lose.  It'd be so much easier to stay here under the covers than to love and lose.  The tears continue to fall from my face and soak my pillow.

"Where are you God?  Where are you in THIS?"  My heart aches with anger and visceral sadness.  I'm not ready to go through yet another trial.  Things are just now settling down with our adopted son...A two year intense battle with more lows than highs.  We are just now starting to feel like normal people again.

A scene fills my mind.  It's the last scene from Disney's Beauty and the Beast.  The war has just been waged and the Beast is down.  Belle leans over him, crying.  It's over.  The battle was fought hard.  And the Beast is now dead.  Belle quietly whispers "I love you" as a single tear falls from her face.  She closes her eyes and continues to cry.

Then.  A single shard of light hits the ground like rain.  It sounds like hope. Then another.  It finally causes her to look up.  Then another, and another.  She lifts her head and the light-rain is now falling all around her.  When she looks at the Beast, he is no longer there, but is being transformed into a man.  The music builds as he turns around and reveals himself in all his glory.  She knows him but she isn't sure.  Is it him?

She squints in uncertainty and touches his face.  It IS him!  She knows him by the familiarity in his eyes.  As if truth is finally unveiling, Belle now begins to realize that all along she was an integral piece of the story.  Suddenly the castle is transformed.  What was once a rainy and dark scene against a dingy rock backdrop with evil gargoyles standing watch suddenly becomes light and beauty and white and angelic.  The music is celebratory as the characters in the story are magically transformed into their truest selves.  The spell has been broken!  Everything is back to the way it SHOULD be and there is a feast and a party waiting for them.

The scene fades out and my thoughts return to reality.  I hear my dear Father whisper into my thoughts, "Things are not yet as they should be."  I feel His comfort.  This world is NOT my home.  It is deeply broken.  There is sadness, fear, disaster, and pain all around.

Will I fight? Or will I stay in this bed and hide?  Do I believe that I serve a God who will one day transform the "castle"?  The God who will one day reveal what's most true about this world and all of us?  Should I be surprised that I live in a broken world and that I am, gasp, seeing brokenness?  Do I still believe there is hope?  That there is a celebration a comin', where all will be as it is meant to be?  That THAT is my future?  And I just can't see it yet?

I pull out my laptop and do a Youtube search for this scene.  I watch it then laugh because I happened to pull up the version where the words are dubbed in Finnish.  And a deep deep hope rises within me.

You damn right I'm gonna fight.  I'm gonna fight with every ounce that's in me.  I'm going to use the gifts God has given me and I'm going to push back the darkness with all my might.  I'm going to be courageous when I feel scared.  I'm going to love even though I might lose.  I'm going to pray and believe for miracles in the face of hopelessness.  I'm going to stand up for justice even if I'm standing alone.  Because I BELIEVE that there is a good God, and He is absolutely worth fighting with and for.  He's already won.  I just haven't gotten to the celebration part of the Story He's writing yet.

But it's coming.

It IS coming.

Until then, I will fight.

Who's with me?

One morning in the fall of 2016

Sitting here this morning in my room and it is "quiet"...meaning, there are only roofers drilling above me, but I'm not near those noisy fans blowing hot air into our walls from the flooding that happened last weekend when water flowed freely into our home.  My curtains are drawn, there are currently at least 10 strangers working outside.  I have a lukewarm cup of coffee beside me and I'm trying to process where I am and where I am going.

I decide to go ahead and make myself a fresh cup rather than reheat for the 4th time the cup I made 3 hours ago when I attempted to have a quiet time but the kids woke up early and needed this and that.  I decide to do this one kind thing for myself.  Not because I deserve it but because it would taste better. Life's been throwing some major curve balls lately, the flooding only one of them.  Just making this fresh cup of coffee is me acknowledging that, and taking a moment to be gentle with myself.

And the laundry needs foldin' and the toilets need scrubbin' and there are a thousand other things I could and should be doing.  But I've got giants up ahead and I know if I don't take a moment to catch my breath, I will reach them exhausted and unable to hold up these little ones as we pass through yet another storm together.  So this morning I'm trying something new.  Instead of my regular MO of pushing pushing pushing and adding more caffeine while simultaneously being irritated at myself for not being able to "get it together"...I am going to slow it down sister.  Read this Bible that's laid unopened for a week or more, and check back in with my Heavenly Papa.

I am so desperate for His calm and reassuring words.  I'm so desperate to be reminded once again that He's with me.  That He will carry us.  That nothing ever comes our way without His permission.  That He will always take us from strength to strength--like we are jet skis on a river, and we continually hit these boulders that should totally take us out, but instead, we face them dead on, and when we look behind us, there is only beauty in our wake.  Because he is HERE. He cares.  He is constant.  If I have learned anything on this journey with Him, it is that He truly does turn heartache into blessing.  I've witnessed it over and over and over again.

I utter, "Lord, I'm not even worthy to talk to you, but..." and a larger thought overtakes mine "NO one is worthy!" 

Not one of us.  I let that sink in.  I think of all the people I hold on a pedestal.  Not one of us is perfect. 

Not one of us deserving of His attention or care or love or intervention. 

It is not based on our worth, but His.  We can only love because He loves us first.  Receiving His love, accepting it, even in the midst of our unworthiness...that is step 1. 

A moment or two passes, deep breaths.  You are here, right here with me in this moment Jesus.

He whispers, not audibly, but his thoughts through mine, "Let's just focus on today.  Tell me what's been bothering you."  

And I begin.  The laundry list I've been holding inside.  All the worries that have been eating at me.  The situations that seem hopeless.  The relationships that are  murky.  The way I was hurt by this or that.  The uncertainty of what will happen down the road.  The ways I mess up and struggle.  I tell Him all of it.  There are some tears.  There is some anger.  There is some whining!  Some comparing to those around me. 

Guilt tries to creep in but I push it away--I know if I am to get through this, I've got to deal with these emotions, and God is listening with kindness, not expecting me to put on a show for him or be brave or tough.  He WILL make me brave and tough, but only after I've acknowledged with Him what I'm really struggling with.  Guilt over the feelings does nothing to get rid of them.  I'm reminded of the story Jesus told about the Pharisee who prayed piously, saying all the right words, and the other man who hung his head, beat his chest and let out his groans.  One man put on a mask.  The other man came as he was.  Jesus condemned the mask and rewarded the honesty.  

One by one, we go through that list.  One by one, he speaks His Gospel truth.  Sometimes it's "Do you trust me?"  Sometimes it's "Remember when you felt this way and that happened?".  Sometimes it's "You are so loved and accepted."  Sometimes it's just me pouring out all the offenses and hurt and the way those offenses and hurts have effected me...then putting the whole ugly mess in His hands and trusting He will be the true Judge, and I can let it go and trust He will take care of it.  I will no longer let the damage perpetuate.  I can say to my offender, we are both messes, in need of a Redeemer.  I'm not going to hold onto this one anymore.  I say a silent prayer that their life will be transformed.  If God can transform me, I know He can transform anyone.  

I arise.  Free.  Hopeful.  Clean.  Energized.  I know as I face the rest of this day, I will face it with Him.  I will work with Him. Him through me.  I will meet people with an ability to pour out rather than needing to be filled.  I'll continue to have the conversation with my dearest Friend, the One who just made me feel validated and taken care of.  We will fold the laundry and scrub the toilets and face the thousand tasks...together.

As I rise, I'm reminded of Jesus' words, and I repeat them with a chuckle, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world!"  And I look into the future--this day and beyond--and I know that I walk with the One who has overcome the world.  Therefore, I'm no longer afraid to face it.

Confessions from a recovering perfectionist...

The last 6 weeks have been such a tornado that I feel like I just completed a marathon! I'll spare you the details but it concluded Saturday with a bang--my hubs out of town for work, me alone with our 4 darlings and 12 hours of laying in bed throwing up and rehearsing the many ways I'm a failure at my entire life.

After a day recovering, I got up this morning a little less tightly wound than I've been for weeks.  I awoke early, made the coffee, and sat with my Lord.   

Did you do the last 6 weeks perfectly?  No.

Did you disappoint people?  Yes.

Is your house in disarray?  Yes.

Do your kids need you to hunker down this week?  Yes.

Does that mean that you're a complete failure? 

I still haven't figured out why my first inclination is to berate myself, to be disappointed in myself, or to try harder at perfection, only to feel more berated and more disappointed in my shortcomings. 

But I'll tell ya what...that's not the voice of God.  He doesn't speak to us that way.  

In the quietness of our morning together, the Lord encouraged my soul!  He reminded me that He is a kind Father who notices all that we do RIGHT.  

Yes, there is rhythm and there is balance...but His is not the voice of discouragement, disgust, and frustration with us.  That's not how He treats us, even if it's exactly how we treat ourselves or sadly, at times, the way we treat others.  The fact is, we are His kids, completely accepted by Him today, this very minute.  He works through us despite us.  His grace fills in the cracks we miss.  

This whole parenthood/marriage/friendship thing is a process...one filled with a lot more grace than we give ourselves.  He isn't the one with the whip at our backs or a wagging finger--His is a gentle hug that says "Sweetie, I see how hard you're working.  Let me carry that burden with you, cause you aren't alone in this.  Let's problem solve together.  I'm totally with you and for you."

At the end of the day, for many of us, our hearts are that we WANT to do a good job with it all!  But we are still learning, so we're bound to make some mistakes along the way.  And that is what is so beautiful to God...a heart open to learning from Him and committed to walking with Him.  If He could say one thing to you right now friend....just a few lines to get you through your day, I'm certain it would be this: 

"You make me so proud!  You're not alone here.  I'm cheering for ya...and not from afar, but right here, right beside you...With more than enough strength to carry you through! C'mon, let's do this thing together!" 

Pulling Back the Curtains

Let me begin by stating the FACT: My son is AMAZING.  He experienced more pain and trauma in his first 16 months than most of us experience in a lifetime.  He is brave.  He is a survivor.  And we feel incredibly lucky that he is now our son.  His story before becoming a Maloney will be his to share someday should he choose, but I'd like to finally open up a bit about what happened after the airport...after our arrival home.

It was a huge disconnect.  I walked the entire adoption journey openly and honestly.  It was an adventure full of twists and turns, and bringing him home felt, TRULY felt like a happy ending.  And it was.  This child I'd loved and longed for, this little man I'd prayed for daily before he was even conceived, he was home.  It was surreal.

However, no amount of training could've prepared us for what it would actually be like to have a child who had come from such a hard place.  During our first week home, a woman came up to me and asked how we were doing.  I literally hadn't showered for 3 days straight, and even though it was noon, I don't know if I'd even had time to get a drink of water yet.  We had a very frightened 16 month old on our hands, and rather than that fear coming out as snuggles for protection, it came out in other ways, and our hair was completely and totally BLOWN BACK.  When I said "It's hard", I could see the disappointment in her face when she replied, "But it's great, right?"  So I said, "Yeah.  Great."

In that moment, I made a decision.  That is what people want to hear.  That is what they SHOULD hear!  People put their faith in us, a lot of people helped us bring Abrahim home. Surely they want to hear only what's great...besides, isn't it wrong to complain?

That was the beginning of the deep loneliness.

But the thing is, it WAS hard.  We had our good days and our bad days.  Then we'd have a stretch of good days, and I'd think, wow, I'm so glad we're past that!  But then we'd end up back in the bad days again.  This was like the cruelest joke.  When days turned into months, I was despondent.  I've always been a pull myself up by my bootstraps kinda gal.  But this was a hopelessness so deep that I could not pull myself out of it.  It was a dark dark time.  All the while, I had many other friends who were adopting.  Their Facebook feeds looked nothing like what my life looked like.  So I made another agreement:

C'mon sister, TRY HARDER.
Although, if I'm honest with myself, this isn't a new agreement.  This is something I've done most of my life.

So try harder I did.  But the thing is, you can't force a human being to love you.  Classic text book attachment difficulties means a child that's coming from a hard place rejects their primary caregiver.  The psychology behind it says "Everyone I love has left.  I'm going to keep you at arms' length."

Even though I'd done the trainings and read the books, it was difficult to handle that level of repeated, daily rejection.  Even though logically I KNEW what was going on, it still hurt.  "Why won't he love me?"  There was a deep sense of shame.  It had to be me, my fault.  If only I was more this way or that way.  I'd come up with ways each day to try to be better, but at the end of every day, I almost always felt like a failure.

This brought up a series of issues in my own soul.  I was so tired.  In search for relief, I looked to various things to ease my pain.  To be honest with you, I was a bit angry that God gave us a "difficult case".  He KNEW how hard it had been for me to say yes to this.  I wanted so badly to be able to "testify" that things had turned around, but they weren't!  Everything that had always "worked" before wasn't working anymore.  I couldn't write out enough things I was thankful for.  I couldn't read my Bible or memorize enough Scripture.

And then I met a woman.  She was a lot like me...except she had a house full of 12 kids.  By the time I sat down with her, I had run out of fumes months ago.  To hear her talk...she put words to so many of my feelings.  She'd experienced the same pain and some of the same rejection.  But somehow, her demeanor was MUCH different than mine.  I saw each of her kids interact with her, and I could tell they all had great, secure, genuine relationships with each other.  There was a palpable joy in their home.  She was relaxed and laughed a lot.  Her kids wrestled.  At one point, one kid even hit another kid in the head with a rock (normal kid stuff), but it was all met with such a peace and calmness.  It actually gave me great hope, and I wanted what she had.  I tried to get her to tell me the play by play...what's steps 1-3 to start getting what you have.  Instead, she just pointed me to Jesus and said He needed to heal me from wounds I've been carrying my whole life (FYI--this is NOT a parent bash.  I have the MOST amazing parents on the planet.  But even in the midst of the best childhoods, we still live in a fallen world, and each and every one of us don't walk away unscathed).

But it still felt foreign.  I didn't totally get it.  She must have been mistaken.  I've been actively walking with Jesus for nearly 20 years.  I already knew just about everything there is to know about God (*yea, I was wrong there*).  But a few more months went by and I was just. so. tired.  Carrying the weight of the world is exhausting!

*Side Note* I finally understand what it means to "brag about our weaknesses" (that's in the Bible by the way!).  In a way, I used to brag.  I didn't even know I was doing it!  But I had lists and rules and ways to pray.  You get up, you do this this and this if you want to be close to God (and those things did help, I'm not saying they didn't, reading the Bible and praying are GOOD for you!).  But you know what?  God took me to the very edge of my sanity!  He allowed this whole process to BREAK ME, so that at LAST, I ran completely and totally OUT of juice.  There was nothing left to try harder with!  It brought me to my knees.  And as it turns out, this is a GREAT place to land.

I contacted that Mama friend from a few months ago and said, "Ok, where do I begin?  I'm desperate for God to do something.  How do I even start?  How do I get Him to heal me?"

**The telling of this much personal stuff previously would've sent me into a tailspin of despair in a vulnerability hangover.  But what I've experienced is so real that I don't even care what anyone may think of me.  I just want everyone to know that there is an open invitation at the table of God.  We've been living off of crumbs.  But He has a WHOLE FEAST for us, and a special chair for each one of us.  This isn't just for me!  It's for anyone who's hungry and tired enough!**

All I could do was Stop Striving, and just STOP.

And just believe that I am God's kid.  

That's it!
Not one thing I can do will make me MORE His kid.
And not one thing I can do will make me LESS His kid.

All those things I want Abe to believe about me, I've begun to believe about God.  And I started asking Him to show me why I have a hard time believing that.  I'd ask Him to show me what my emotional needs were, and I'd ask Him to meet those needs as they came up.  And He HAS.  Every one of them. Y'all, it has been like talons in my soul are one by one becoming unhooked!  And it's not because I'M doing anything!  It's all Him.  He's the only one who can fix me!  He's helping me believe, really truly deeply believe, that I'm His kid, and He's really who He says He is.

And I've stopped looking at Abe or myself as if we needed to arrive.  There's no destination here.  This is just a journey we get to do together.  This is a relationship.  I'm not looking at Abe in frustration or disapproval when he regresses or does something wrong.  I LOVE him because he is my SON.  And guess what?  God loves each of us because we are HIS.  My helping Abe heal has nothing to do with what Abe can do for me.  It has everything to do with how much I love him, care about him, and want him to realize what a treasured person he really is.

That's the catch!  There IS NO CATCH!!!

God wants to see US restored for the same reasons!  He loves us!  He really does!  He cares about us!  He wants us to see ourselves for the beautiful creations we are, to see all the lovely qualities He's carefully crafted into each of us.  He wants to simply love on us and tell us how treasured we are.

Isn't it terrifying?  Isn't there this part of you that thinks, "Ok, I want to try that.  But first of all, I need to stop doing this this and this."?  Well guess what?  God's not at all surprised by the comforts we turn to.  Those things we know we shouldn't do but we can't seem to stop doing.  And He knows exactly WHY we do them.  Even more than we do!  We don't have to clean up first.  It's ludacris because we CAN'T clean ourselves up!  Haven't most of us tried that already?  It doesn't work!

We don't even have to WANT to give up those other things first.  It's ok!  He's not asking us to give up anything yet (although if you keep this relationship with Jesus thing up, you're going to see those things that seem so sparkly now for the imitation that they are).

For now, just come to Jesus, just as you are, and start the conversation.  Bask in the FACT that you are God's kid, you are WANTED, and ask Him to show you the way.

He wants to!

This is for us all.

Let's let the healing journey begin.

Choices

Michael* was the first Ethiopian to break my heart.  He was pointed out to us because he hadn't yet been matched with a family.  When we locked eyes, time stood still and his smile lit. up. the. room.  We just stood there staring at each other, smiling.  If I could have, I would've scooped him into my arms and taken him home with us that instant.  This is Michael's story, and it has completely wrecked me.

Michael was a young boy when his father left his mother and younger sister.  Without an education in a country where welfare, Medicaid, and drop off childcare don't exist, his mother did whatever she could to earn a living.  She managed to care for him and his younger sister for a time.  But when Michael was 7, she got sick.  So sick in fact, that she had to make a terrible choice.

A choice that no mother should ever have to make.

She chose to place just one of her children in an orphanage.

And for reasons we don't know, she chose Michael.

Perhaps she thought that at age 7 he'd know how to take care of himself a little better than his sister?  Or maybe it was because he'd never been able to attend school because she couldn't afford the $30 for a uniform and books? At least she knew at the orphanage he'd have a safe place to sleep, a chance at an education, and regular food.  So she relinquished her rights as his mother, and he became an orphan.

In an overcrowded orphanage this outcast was picked on.  His face bears evidence of the brawls he was in.  Whether he was acting out or simply a bully's victim because of his speech impediment, the scars prove he has survived hard times.  After two years in that orphanage he was moved to this one.  Although there are less kids, he's watched as child after child has been chosen to be adopted, and he has remained unpicked.  He's learned the hard way that very few families exist that want to risk taking in an older kid, let alone one with scars you can see.

And I ache.  For Michael.  For his Mom.  Because couldn't that be me? Couldn't that be any one of us or our children?

Fetire's Mama and Sis

Next, meet Fetire.  Six months ago, Fetire's mother, after enduring years of physical abuse from a husband addicted to chat (a leaf that is chewed or smoked and produces a methamphetamine type high), made the brave choice to pack up her children and leave her abuser.

Like Michael's mother, she too never had the opportunity for an education, and so to make ends meet she hand washes clothes and earns on average $15-25/month.  But Fetire is our sponsored child through Compassion International, and this has made all the difference in their lives.  Because of Compassion, Fetire's education is paid for, she is able to receive healthcare and life skills training. Several days each week Fetire attends the Compassion project through her local church where she is surrounded by adults who love and care about her, who affirm her value, who tutor her, teach her about Jesus, and provide her family with supplemental food.  I am CONVINCED that were it not for Compassion, right about now Fetire's sweet mama, after already enduring so much hardship, would be having to make even more difficult choices.

Fetire eating ice cream for the first time.

Fetire could easily be in Michael's shoes.

I have absolutely no idea why I was born here, and they were born there.  Lord knows I had nothing to do with this great blessing.  And although I may not be wealthy by American standards, I am RICH by the world's standards.  What am I going to do with the privilege I've been born into?  We all have to make our choices.


I have the choice right now to forget all I saw and witnessed in Ethiopia and move on with my comfortable life here in the U.S.

Oh, but I have met Michael and Fetire! I've touched them, looked into their tender eyes, and loved them, and for the sake of all the other Michael's out there, I can't possibly stay quiet.

I know that not all of us can adopt a child...but really, most of us CAN sponsor at least one child.  Through Compassion the cost is $38/month, which provides that child with everything Fetire has.

What if, because of you, there could be one less unnoticed child in the world?  One less child winding up in an orphanage? One more family discovering a way out of poverty over the next decade, all while being shown the consistent love of Jesus?  Just think of the ripple effect!  This is BIG!  Lord knows you could be doing plenty of other things with your $, but friends, 

WE COULD CHANGE THE WORLD! 

On our watches, let's step in for all the Michaels and Fetires out there.  It just doesn't have to be this way.  As long as my heart beats, this is the song it will sing.  Let's sing it together!

Click here to sponsor a child today: Compassion

*To protect Michael's privacy, his name has been changed.  Shortly after we met, he was chosen by a loving family and they are in the process of adopting him.

Written Sept. 2.  My Facebook update:

Today the heaviest burden was lifted. It was super surreal packing up Abe's things, saying goodbye, and taking him away. The tears just wouldn't stop as we drove. 2 1/2 years of being afraid about this day, wondering if I had what it took to actually do this, fearing last winter that we may not even be allowed to adopt him at all, and then that long wait for no reason when it felt like the Devilhimself was standing in our way. I've cried so many tears over this boy and today all those fears and questions simply lost their grip.

Here is what I have learned: I am the lucky one. This great God of mine has walked us straight into the adventure of a lifetime. I've never seen God move in literal miracle after miracle like I've seen in the past 2 1/2 years. I could fill a book with the stories. Then getting to come here. Ethiopia. This place and these people. My gosh, I could've missed this!! This journey WAS about adoption, but by God's great grace somehow it's turned into so much more! We've found ourselves in the midst of people's stories. Deeper relationships. Somehow, we have been placed here at this exact time in history and our paths have crossed, and we are all better off because of each other!

After we drove away today Abe was still and quiet for a long time. I wish I could've read his thoughts. I kept thinking, "I'm so sorry sweetie, I know you're scared. But believe me, this is going to be good for you." Then, as our day progressed, my boy simply came alive! Like us he couldn't have known what he was getting into, but with every fresh experience he's seeing, tasting, and feeling new things! I've never seen him this happy. He too is learning that life's so much more than being confined to a familiar and comfortable space.

I could never have known when we first began all the bumps and emotions we'd face. But what I do know right now, with him sleeping peacefully beside me, is that every time we felt scared or didn't think we had any more to give, but we kept walking forward anyways...was completely worth it! I'm so thankful God busted ME out...because this...this feels like really living.