After Sawyer's accident I unplugged...from Facebook and from blogging (not that I was ever really consistant with either). Looking back, I know why I did it.
I felt so exposed.
I wrote of Sawyer's accident because I only wanted to have to tell the story once. I knew God healed my son and that it was a miracle and I needed to give Him glory. But to be totally honest, it left me feeling like I was standing naked in front of an audience. I was traumatized by what we experienced that day. I can say, however, that God is great, and He not only miraculously healed my son, he has done much to heal my heart and mind as well.
Since that day, we have had another child, Violet Francesca...the sweetest, happiest, most easy going baby ever. Having her changed my life, mostly because it forced me to slow down, to not take on anything else, but especially b/c God became more important to me on a whole new level.
The last thing I want to do here is to give myself a boost, to make myself look holy or great...because the truth is I am very weak. So weak in fact that things were so intense during my pregnancy and the first 18 months of her life that I learned that if I even went one day without time with my Father, I completely fell apart. He was tangibly my Strength, my Hope, and He never once left me. I began a habit of spending every morning with Him...writing down usually 5 things I was thankful for and then reading the Bible. Then when the day became insane (3 children under 3= 'nuf said), I just knew He was there and guiding me, even allowing me to enjoy it...having Violet proved to me that I really can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
When I speak of my relationship with God, I need you to know that I am not boasting...I believe it is God's desire to have a personal relationship with His children, just as I long to have a relationship with my own. I love Him...with ALL my heart, and I'm learning to believe that He really loves me too. And if He loves me, He definitely loves you. While God may not speak to you in exactly the same way He speaks to me, I promise you He still longs to speak with you. He longs to go from being "out there" to being so close you can feel Him.
I have been thinking about blogging for awhile...and I thought that perhaps others may want to watch with me, to see all the crazy ways God is going to move. I realize I may at times feel naked in front of an audience, but so long as the glory goes to Him, it's completely worth it. Join me in this exciting journey, it's going to be miraculous.
