"I just have a feeling we're going to have to fight for him at some point."
That seems to be the way God works. A person feels a calling, they go for it, and at some point, there's resistance. Then, the person has to really fight for that dream to become a reality. I think it's God's way of making us decide in our own hearts that we agree, and we WANT what he has called us to too.
Less than 2 weeks after my above statement, the fight began.
I won't go into all the gory details, but three weeks ago, we discovered that there was a very good chance this adoption would NOT be going through. Overnight we were thrown into a whirlwind of lawyers, other families in a similar situation, a private investigator, the US Embassy, the US State Department, adoption agencies, etc., etc. The final outcome:
Things just got a whole lot harder.
I'd love to tell you that I was a solid rock through this, that my faith didn't waiver one little bit, and I knew from the start that all would be well.
But that would be a lie.
My initial reaction to all of this was pure confusion. If this adoption was not going to happen, then what the heck WAS that? All that {see previous posts for the ALL that I'm referring to}? Then thoughts of, "Well no one would blame us for NOT adopting, right? This is just too much. What if we spend all this money and we end up losing him anyway?" But the worst most nagging feeling came more quietly. It was the feeling that made me want to take his picture off my fridge and to put the picture of him on our mantle face down because to look at his big brown eyes brought me to instant tears:
"What will happen to him if you DON'T fight?"
Soon, our decision was final. We believe God has laid this whole crazy plot out before us, and although we've never met this little boy, we LOVE him. We know full well that there's a chance we may lose this battle, but we are determined to at least go down swinging.
Five days after receiving the initial bad news, I was driving home. My day had started out rocky. I received the bill from our private investigator and it was extravagant. As I drove I was wondering where all of this would lead us financially. Of course we would do this for any of our children, and I was feeling ready to fight for him, but I was also trying to be realistic about the cost. Then I began clicking through the radio stations, and low and behold, "I Will Wait" was playing.
"I Will Wait For You" is my adoption anthem song. From the first time I heard it, I felt like it was a cry from our future son saying "I'll be waiting for you to come get me". I Will Wait gained popularity about 18 months ago, and every time I heard it I felt like it was a reminder of hope and a call to prayer. I haven't heard it on the radio for a very long time, probably at least 6 months.
So I'm rounding the corner toward our home and I'm reminiscing--what are the chances that THAT song would come on the radio, especially when I hadn't heard it in so long? Hearing it put me in the right state of mind again. Whatever the cost, it is worth it. He is worth it. That song just had to be a gift from God. I thanked Him for it.
A new song began to play and I switched radio stations.
And I kid you not, I pushed the button once,
and the VERY next station
is playing...
"I Will Wait".
I pulled into my garage, turned it up, threw my hands in the air and cried.
Oh my sweet baby boy, we are coming for you. We won't give up on you. Keep waitin'.
