Choices

Michael* was the first Ethiopian to break my heart.  He was pointed out to us because he hadn't yet been matched with a family.  When we locked eyes, time stood still and his smile lit. up. the. room.  We just stood there staring at each other, smiling.  If I could have, I would've scooped him into my arms and taken him home with us that instant.  This is Michael's story, and it has completely wrecked me.

Michael was a young boy when his father left his mother and younger sister.  Without an education in a country where welfare, Medicaid, and drop off childcare don't exist, his mother did whatever she could to earn a living.  She managed to care for him and his younger sister for a time.  But when Michael was 7, she got sick.  So sick in fact, that she had to make a terrible choice.

A choice that no mother should ever have to make.

She chose to place just one of her children in an orphanage.

And for reasons we don't know, she chose Michael.

Perhaps she thought that at age 7 he'd know how to take care of himself a little better than his sister?  Or maybe it was because he'd never been able to attend school because she couldn't afford the $30 for a uniform and books? At least she knew at the orphanage he'd have a safe place to sleep, a chance at an education, and regular food.  So she relinquished her rights as his mother, and he became an orphan.

In an overcrowded orphanage this outcast was picked on.  His face bears evidence of the brawls he was in.  Whether he was acting out or simply a bully's victim because of his speech impediment, the scars prove he has survived hard times.  After two years in that orphanage he was moved to this one.  Although there are less kids, he's watched as child after child has been chosen to be adopted, and he has remained unpicked.  He's learned the hard way that very few families exist that want to risk taking in an older kid, let alone one with scars you can see.

And I ache.  For Michael.  For his Mom.  Because couldn't that be me? Couldn't that be any one of us or our children?

Fetire's Mama and Sis

Next, meet Fetire.  Six months ago, Fetire's mother, after enduring years of physical abuse from a husband addicted to chat (a leaf that is chewed or smoked and produces a methamphetamine type high), made the brave choice to pack up her children and leave her abuser.

Like Michael's mother, she too never had the opportunity for an education, and so to make ends meet she hand washes clothes and earns on average $15-25/month.  But Fetire is our sponsored child through Compassion International, and this has made all the difference in their lives.  Because of Compassion, Fetire's education is paid for, she is able to receive healthcare and life skills training. Several days each week Fetire attends the Compassion project through her local church where she is surrounded by adults who love and care about her, who affirm her value, who tutor her, teach her about Jesus, and provide her family with supplemental food.  I am CONVINCED that were it not for Compassion, right about now Fetire's sweet mama, after already enduring so much hardship, would be having to make even more difficult choices.

Fetire eating ice cream for the first time.

Fetire could easily be in Michael's shoes.

I have absolutely no idea why I was born here, and they were born there.  Lord knows I had nothing to do with this great blessing.  And although I may not be wealthy by American standards, I am RICH by the world's standards.  What am I going to do with the privilege I've been born into?  We all have to make our choices.


I have the choice right now to forget all I saw and witnessed in Ethiopia and move on with my comfortable life here in the U.S.

Oh, but I have met Michael and Fetire! I've touched them, looked into their tender eyes, and loved them, and for the sake of all the other Michael's out there, I can't possibly stay quiet.

I know that not all of us can adopt a child...but really, most of us CAN sponsor at least one child.  Through Compassion the cost is $38/month, which provides that child with everything Fetire has.

What if, because of you, there could be one less unnoticed child in the world?  One less child winding up in an orphanage? One more family discovering a way out of poverty over the next decade, all while being shown the consistent love of Jesus?  Just think of the ripple effect!  This is BIG!  Lord knows you could be doing plenty of other things with your $, but friends, 

WE COULD CHANGE THE WORLD! 

On our watches, let's step in for all the Michaels and Fetires out there.  It just doesn't have to be this way.  As long as my heart beats, this is the song it will sing.  Let's sing it together!

Click here to sponsor a child today: Compassion

*To protect Michael's privacy, his name has been changed.  Shortly after we met, he was chosen by a loving family and they are in the process of adopting him.

Written Sept. 2.  My Facebook update:

Today the heaviest burden was lifted. It was super surreal packing up Abe's things, saying goodbye, and taking him away. The tears just wouldn't stop as we drove. 2 1/2 years of being afraid about this day, wondering if I had what it took to actually do this, fearing last winter that we may not even be allowed to adopt him at all, and then that long wait for no reason when it felt like the Devilhimself was standing in our way. I've cried so many tears over this boy and today all those fears and questions simply lost their grip.

Here is what I have learned: I am the lucky one. This great God of mine has walked us straight into the adventure of a lifetime. I've never seen God move in literal miracle after miracle like I've seen in the past 2 1/2 years. I could fill a book with the stories. Then getting to come here. Ethiopia. This place and these people. My gosh, I could've missed this!! This journey WAS about adoption, but by God's great grace somehow it's turned into so much more! We've found ourselves in the midst of people's stories. Deeper relationships. Somehow, we have been placed here at this exact time in history and our paths have crossed, and we are all better off because of each other!

After we drove away today Abe was still and quiet for a long time. I wish I could've read his thoughts. I kept thinking, "I'm so sorry sweetie, I know you're scared. But believe me, this is going to be good for you." Then, as our day progressed, my boy simply came alive! Like us he couldn't have known what he was getting into, but with every fresh experience he's seeing, tasting, and feeling new things! I've never seen him this happy. He too is learning that life's so much more than being confined to a familiar and comfortable space.

I could never have known when we first began all the bumps and emotions we'd face. But what I do know right now, with him sleeping peacefully beside me, is that every time we felt scared or didn't think we had any more to give, but we kept walking forward anyways...was completely worth it! I'm so thankful God busted ME out...because this...this feels like really living.

There's a Hand Still Holding

Ever struggle with your mistakes?  Do you ever feel defined by your failures?

If you are a believer, this is what is most true about you.

Though a righteous man may fall several times, he gets back up again (Proverbs 24:16).  You've fallen, but you are back on your feet.  We ALL fail (Romans 3:23).  It doesn't mean that's WHO you are.  You are clothed in righteousness (Isaiah 61:10).  You don't have to hide under shame.  You're a child of the King and you're covered in his robe of righteousness--pure, blameless, and holy.  He STILL delights in you.  He STILL rejoices over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).  Nothing, not even your shame and feelings of worthlessness can separate you from His love for you (Romans 8:39).  Your foot slipped but you did not FALL forever.  He sees your heart, He knows your brokenness, and He is NEAR (Isaiah 57:15).  He makes ALL things new--again and again (1 John 1:9).  His forgiveness is limitless (Matthew 18:27).

Do you want to be healed?  Then take up your mat and walk as if you are (Mark 2:9).  You are justified (Romans 5:1).  You've made your amends (Romans 12:18).  Now WALK.  And when those "I'm crippled" thoughts come, shut them down.  Recite to yourself "I am dearly loved, chosen, and holy because of Jesus" and then picture your Father covering you with His radiant robe.  What is MOST true is that you ARE dearly loved.  And when our Father looks at you, He sees someone He has chosen, who is holy and complete (Romans 6:12).

You'll see...

This morning I was dropping my kiddos off at a friend's house.  We were literally blocks from her house when I realized I had accidentally left the bag at home.  We had to turn around and go back to get it.

The kids began to boisterously complain. "What are you doing? Her house is that way! Why are we turning around?  Are we not going there at all?  You SAID we were going to their house!"

"Did Mom promise you you'd get to go there today?"  Yes.
"Does Mama lie?"  No.
"Can you trust me?"  (Silence)

The parallel was almost comical.

Here I sit.  And wait.  I wake up every morning like a pregnant woman in her 10th month of pregnancy, wondering if today will be the day we find out we can fly to Ethiopia to meet our precious boy...the one we see growing up in pictures, but whom we've never met.

And I ask my God the same whiny questions.  "What are you doing?!  Don't you see that plane ticket prices go up in June?  Why is it taking so long?  Why are you doing this to us?"

His response?  "You'll see."

Now, I know God doesn't forget anything--like I forgot that bag.  Instead, the Bible promises us that His thoughts and His ways are higher than ours.  In other words, He sees things we can't see.  Just like today, I knew what my kids did not.  I knew that making them wait a short while longer would do a few things for them.

1.  It would protect them.  I had packed hats and sunscreen.

2.  It would ensure they wouldn't grow weary.  I'd packed food and water.

3.  It would make the trip more enjoyable for them.  I'd packed dry clothes for after swimming.

So was I being mean to them by making them wait?  Did it FEEL to them like I was being mean?  Or was I going to make the morning so much better by making them wait?

Here's the delicate balance I find myself walking sometimes hourly these days.  Am I going to BELIEVE that I've got a GOOD Daddy who's allowing me to walk in this beautiful adventure with Him?  That He's got fun surprises in store for us?  While I don't understand what it is that He is up to,  it is going to be good, because He loves me? Or am I going to question His every move and be a bundle of nerves and fear?

Either way, I'm going to end up on Ethiopian soil sooner or later.

And then it'll all make sense.

This wait.

The "You'll see." that He's promised.

What it is He's prepared for us.  I cannot wait to share all the cool things that unfold.

Because He is perfect.

He is never late.

And He is GOOD.

You'll see.

A Fire in My Soul and a Song in My Heart

"I just have a feeling we're going to have to fight for him at some point."

That seems to be the way God works.  A person feels a calling, they go for it, and at some point, there's resistance.  Then, the person has to really fight for that dream to become a reality.  I think it's God's way of making us decide in our own hearts that we agree, and we WANT what he has called us to too.

Less than 2 weeks after my above statement, the fight began.

I won't go into all the gory details, but three weeks ago, we discovered that there was a very good chance this adoption would NOT be going through.  Overnight we were thrown into a whirlwind of lawyers, other families in a similar situation, a private investigator, the US Embassy, the US State Department, adoption agencies, etc., etc.  The final outcome: 

Things just got a whole lot harder.

I'd love to tell you that I was a solid rock through this, that my faith didn't waiver one little bit, and I knew from the start that all would be well. 

But that would be a lie.

My initial reaction to all of this was pure confusion.  If this adoption was not going to happen, then what the heck WAS that?  All that {see previous posts for the ALL that I'm referring to}?  Then thoughts of, "Well no one would blame us for NOT adopting, right?  This is just too much.  What if we spend all this money and we end up losing him anyway?"  But the worst most nagging feeling came more quietly.  It was the feeling that made me want to take his picture off my fridge and to put the picture of him on our mantle face down because to look at his big brown eyes brought me to instant tears: 

"What will happen to him if you DON'T fight?"

Soon, our decision was final.  We believe God has laid this whole crazy plot out before us, and although we've never met this little boy, we LOVE him.  We know full well that there's a chance we may lose this battle, but we are determined to at least go down swinging.

Five days after receiving the initial bad  news, I was driving home.  My day had started out rocky.  I received the bill from our private investigator and it was extravagant.  As I drove I was wondering where all of this would lead us financially.  Of course we would do this for any of our children, and I was feeling ready to fight for him, but I was also trying to be realistic about the cost.  Then I began clicking through the radio stations, and low and behold, "I Will Wait" was playing.

"I Will Wait For You" is my adoption anthem song.  From the first time I heard it, I felt like it was a cry from our future son saying "I'll be waiting for you to come get me".  I Will Wait gained popularity about 18 months ago, and every time I heard it I felt like it was a reminder of hope and a call to prayer.  I haven't heard it on the radio for a very long time, probably at least 6 months.

So I'm rounding the corner toward our home and I'm reminiscing--what are the chances that THAT song would come on the radio, especially when I hadn't heard it in so long?  Hearing it put me in the right state of mind again.  Whatever the cost, it is worth it.  He is worth it.  That song just had to be a gift from God.  I thanked Him for it. 

A new song began to play and I switched radio stations. 

And I kid you not, I pushed the button once,

and the VERY next station

is playing...

"I Will Wait". 

I pulled into my garage, turned it up, threw my hands in the air and cried.

Oh my sweet baby boy, we are coming for you.  We won't give up on you.  Keep waitin'.