The last 6 weeks have been such a tornado that I feel like I just completed a marathon! I'll spare you the details but it concluded Saturday with a bang--my hubs out of town for work, me alone with our 4 darlings and 12 hours of laying in bed throwing up and rehearsing the many ways I'm a failure at my entire life.
After a day recovering, I got up this morning a little less tightly wound than I've been for weeks. I awoke early, made the coffee, and sat with my Lord.
Did you do the last 6 weeks perfectly? No.
Did you disappoint people? Yes.
Is your house in disarray? Yes.
Do your kids need you to hunker down this week? Yes.
Does that mean that you're a complete failure?
I still haven't figured out why my first inclination is to berate myself, to be disappointed in myself, or to try harder at perfection, only to feel more berated and more disappointed in my shortcomings.
But I'll tell ya what...that's not the voice of God. He doesn't speak to us that way.
In the quietness of our morning together, the Lord encouraged my soul! He reminded me that He is a kind Father who notices all that we do RIGHT.
Yes, there is rhythm and there is balance...but His is not the voice of discouragement, disgust, and frustration with us. That's not how He treats us, even if it's exactly how we treat ourselves or sadly, at times, the way we treat others. The fact is, we are His kids, completely accepted by Him today, this very minute. He works through us despite us. His grace fills in the cracks we miss.
This whole parenthood/marriage/friendship thing is a process...one filled with a lot more grace than we give ourselves. He isn't the one with the whip at our backs or a wagging finger--His is a gentle hug that says "Sweetie, I see how hard you're working. Let me carry that burden with you, cause you aren't alone in this. Let's problem solve together. I'm totally with you and for you."
At the end of the day, for many of us, our hearts are that we WANT to do a good job with it all! But we are still learning, so we're bound to make some mistakes along the way. And that is what is so beautiful to God...a heart open to learning from Him and committed to walking with Him. If He could say one thing to you right now friend....just a few lines to get you through your day, I'm certain it would be this:
"You make me so proud! You're not alone here. I'm cheering for ya...and not from afar, but right here, right beside you...With more than enough strength to carry you through! C'mon, let's do this thing together!"
