Giants

So...where we left off last time is that we had hit "submit" and paid our homestudy fee...we were IN on this adoption, officially excited.

I will say it has been difficult deciding which agency to pick for the adoption.  Our church has done all of their adoptions through one particular agency. (FYI--the Home Study and the Agency are completely seperate).  However, every time I have tried to go through this agency, I literally got a sickening feeling in my stomach.  Well, after hitting the submit button to pay for the home study, the next step was to apply for an agency.  Because this agency was who everyone was going through and they are very reputable and move a lot of kids, I applied for it..."C'mon Lace, just bite the bullet, get over whatever it is that's holding you back, just go."  That was Friday night.  Applied, paid $350, done.

Monday.  We had our social worker come over and conduct our home study.  Basically, they review your paperwork and make sure you'll be a fit parent, not an alcoholic, and that your home doesn't have loaded guns lying around, etc.  Again...moving forward.  Step #2, check!

Then our social worker left.  And I checked my email. 

The agency rejected us.  (not the lady who had just left our home but the agency--just in case you were worried she did find loaded guns lying around)

Oh they had pretty words for it, like government audits and they weren't accepting new families and that they wouldn't process our payment bla bla bla...and I felt like I had been gut punched.  The same familiar accusations swam through my mind, "Did I even hear from God?  Are we truly even supposed to adopt or was this just me?"

Tuesday.  9:30 a.m.  I send out a frustrated email to some of my closest friends, asking them to pray because I'm discouraged.  Basically my email said something like "I am tired.  I just wish I knew whether we were IN or OUT...I don't think I can be in between anymore."

10:30 a.m.  I get a message from Caryl, remember, my friend visiting Ethiopia?  The one who before she left I confided in regarding this crazy story...asking her to look for a baby boy between 1-2 months of age with the name God had told me and both of my kids had said?  Ok, I'll just let you read exactly what wrote:

"Hello sweetie I want you to know that we went to an orphanage today tikuret here in Awassa and there was a one month old baby named ____, you were there with me. I asked which child he was and they allowed me to take a picture of him and he smiled at me. We are trying to figure out the adoption situation here and will visit with the orphanage director regarding what all this looks like."

I went from being heartsick to being estatic...and then I basically spent the entire day crying and laughing and walking around in circles.  I did call Pastor Tim, and he was very supportive but did caution me..."Lacey, I know you're excited.  But I want you to be aware, this is actually a very common name in Ethiopia."  To which I replied, "Yea but how could I have known that?!"

In essence, after calling the social worker and asking around, I learned that there is really very little I could do to place a "hold" on this child.  And with the surprise government audits that had caused the agency to reject us, who knew when we could apply for another agency. 

Wednesday.  I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by an emotional freight train.  And then I spent some time with my Father.  Oh how He loves us friends.  And here's what He showed me:

We are like a boat navigating rocky water.  In this process I will experience extreme highs and extreme lows.  And I can ride those...or, I can hold on to the anchor, the One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  I can bury my head in His chest, and hold on while He navigates us through this.

This must've been a little bit of what the Isrealites faced when they finally got to the Promised Land.  Like holy smokes, what He said is really coming to pass.  They could see that the land was beautiful, it was full of possibilities and promise...and it was filled with giants.  And they had no idea how they would defeat them, how they would get from here to there...NO way of knowing the adventure that was ahead of them and all of the divine ways God was going to move on their behalf. 

By the way, that agency that rejected us?  This week they announced that they are filing for bankruptcy.  God spared us from losing a single penny. 

Thank you for joining us on this crazy adventure.  More than anything we appreciate your prayers for our little boy...and all of the children living in Ethiopia without parents. 

Submit

I'd procrastinated...December was insane...sick kids, John working a lot, prepping for Christmas, Christmas parties, dance recytles, etc...left me a lil' haggared. I shelfed the adoption and wouldn't even allow myself to think about it.

We have friends who were going to visit Ethiopia in January and I decided to tell my friend the name and age I thought this little boy would be when she visited, and ask her to look around for him. If she found him, great. If not, then we would wait a year to adopt. I could understand the wisdom in this...logically who would blame us? We would be so much more equipped to handle an adoption a year from now.

Then in a matter of 2 days...everything changed.

A friend of mine shared what the Hopkins family are doing http://howmanyis2many.blogspot.com/2013/01/our-newest-additions.html After reading this I was completely broken. "C'mon Lacey, seriously! These guys are adopting 4 and you're being such a wuss." But what really struck me about this family was that they didn't require a ton of signs or evidence to know that they wanted these kids in their family...they just saw a need and are meeting it.

The next day, we got together with Pastor Tim Wiedlich to talk.  Pastor Tim is AMAZING! Truly.  He is one of those people that the more you get to know him the more you like him even still.  He made us feel so cared for and validated. Toward the end of our conversation I said "Tim, I was sure hoping you'd just tell us what we are supposed to do"...He said "Well Lacey I have my opinions."  Me: "So what are they?"  Him:."I think you guys should adopt from Ethiopia. Just do it."

Now at this point, John and I had completed much of the fist step in the adoption process, we just needed to pay the fee to get the report written up (Home Study). So the next day...I couldn't get away from this.  Should we or shouldn't we adopt?  John had told me "Lacey, the next time you say we're going to adopt, then WE ARE GOING TO ADOPT.  You won't get to change your mind."  Oh that wise man of mine. 

I decided I'd type in all of my credit card info to pay for the homestudy.  Then I stepped away. I cleaned the house like a mad woman and was praying and asking God to please stop me if this was wrong. All I could think in my brain was

"You will never regret doing this. But if you don't, you will regret it your entire life".

So I finally went back to the computer and hit submit!!! 

And with it, a giant toppling wave of joy and peace washed over me, and I gave myself permission to get really really excited.