Giants

So...where we left off last time is that we had hit "submit" and paid our homestudy fee...we were IN on this adoption, officially excited.

I will say it has been difficult deciding which agency to pick for the adoption.  Our church has done all of their adoptions through one particular agency. (FYI--the Home Study and the Agency are completely seperate).  However, every time I have tried to go through this agency, I literally got a sickening feeling in my stomach.  Well, after hitting the submit button to pay for the home study, the next step was to apply for an agency.  Because this agency was who everyone was going through and they are very reputable and move a lot of kids, I applied for it..."C'mon Lace, just bite the bullet, get over whatever it is that's holding you back, just go."  That was Friday night.  Applied, paid $350, done.

Monday.  We had our social worker come over and conduct our home study.  Basically, they review your paperwork and make sure you'll be a fit parent, not an alcoholic, and that your home doesn't have loaded guns lying around, etc.  Again...moving forward.  Step #2, check!

Then our social worker left.  And I checked my email. 

The agency rejected us.  (not the lady who had just left our home but the agency--just in case you were worried she did find loaded guns lying around)

Oh they had pretty words for it, like government audits and they weren't accepting new families and that they wouldn't process our payment bla bla bla...and I felt like I had been gut punched.  The same familiar accusations swam through my mind, "Did I even hear from God?  Are we truly even supposed to adopt or was this just me?"

Tuesday.  9:30 a.m.  I send out a frustrated email to some of my closest friends, asking them to pray because I'm discouraged.  Basically my email said something like "I am tired.  I just wish I knew whether we were IN or OUT...I don't think I can be in between anymore."

10:30 a.m.  I get a message from Caryl, remember, my friend visiting Ethiopia?  The one who before she left I confided in regarding this crazy story...asking her to look for a baby boy between 1-2 months of age with the name God had told me and both of my kids had said?  Ok, I'll just let you read exactly what wrote:

"Hello sweetie I want you to know that we went to an orphanage today tikuret here in Awassa and there was a one month old baby named ____, you were there with me. I asked which child he was and they allowed me to take a picture of him and he smiled at me. We are trying to figure out the adoption situation here and will visit with the orphanage director regarding what all this looks like."

I went from being heartsick to being estatic...and then I basically spent the entire day crying and laughing and walking around in circles.  I did call Pastor Tim, and he was very supportive but did caution me..."Lacey, I know you're excited.  But I want you to be aware, this is actually a very common name in Ethiopia."  To which I replied, "Yea but how could I have known that?!"

In essence, after calling the social worker and asking around, I learned that there is really very little I could do to place a "hold" on this child.  And with the surprise government audits that had caused the agency to reject us, who knew when we could apply for another agency. 

Wednesday.  I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by an emotional freight train.  And then I spent some time with my Father.  Oh how He loves us friends.  And here's what He showed me:

We are like a boat navigating rocky water.  In this process I will experience extreme highs and extreme lows.  And I can ride those...or, I can hold on to the anchor, the One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  I can bury my head in His chest, and hold on while He navigates us through this.

This must've been a little bit of what the Isrealites faced when they finally got to the Promised Land.  Like holy smokes, what He said is really coming to pass.  They could see that the land was beautiful, it was full of possibilities and promise...and it was filled with giants.  And they had no idea how they would defeat them, how they would get from here to there...NO way of knowing the adventure that was ahead of them and all of the divine ways God was going to move on their behalf. 

By the way, that agency that rejected us?  This week they announced that they are filing for bankruptcy.  God spared us from losing a single penny. 

Thank you for joining us on this crazy adventure.  More than anything we appreciate your prayers for our little boy...and all of the children living in Ethiopia without parents.